Marrakech: Colors

 

Marrakech: Colors

The night of Marrakech is wild, and its day is greedy…

I’m writing these letters on the terrace of an empty café in Siti Fadma, in front of me are mountains scattered with trees. Last night, at this time, I didn’t expect I’d be here. Whenever I feel like collapsing, I find myself at the Sitiam station, getting in the first bus headed anywhere. Yesterday’s bus brought me to Marrakech. It wasn’t my favorite destination, but I just wanted to be anywhere other than where I was.

As soon as I arrived, the collapse that brought me here faded into a new one. I arrived at four in the morning, and due to the greed of the taxi drivers, I decided to walk from the station to the hotel. Forty minutes of walking. In another city, I wouldn’t risk walking that late at night, but Marrakech doesn’t sleep. Its night is like the day in my city: cars on the street, young people either going to or coming from nightclubs, police everywhere… there’s no need to be afraid. As I walked, someone on a motorbike stopped and said:

•Where to?

•To Brancs!

•Hop on, I’ll take you with me.

He seemed like a decent guy in his thirties. Moroccans are hospitable, and people in Marrakech are used to hosting foreigners. I thanked him and got on without much thinking. After a casual chat, he asked if I had booked a hotel. I said no. He replied: It will be hard to find something at this time. I said: No worries, if I don’t find one, I’ll just sit in a café until sunrise. He said: That can’t happen, you’ll come with me to my place until the morning. I thought he was just trying to be nice. I thanked him again and said: No need to bother yourself. But he insisted. Since he seemed like a good person with a respectful appearance, I accepted and went with him.

Humans can be wonderful sometimes… That’s how I felt at first, before it turned into paranoia… What if he takes me to a secluded place where his friends are waiting to rob me?..What if he’s drunk and the night turns into a fight?..So many ‘what ifs’ filled my head until we arrived at his place. As soon as he got off the bike, I knew one of my suspicions was correct…He was drunk. The smell of beer was strong on him, and he was slightly unsteady…It’s fine…If he does anything stupid, I can knock him out with one hit.

When we entered his apartment, I felt reassured when I saw women’s and children’s shoes in front of two rooms. This meant he lived with a family, and he also started whispering, which meant he didn’t want to wake them up. He directed me to a room. We entered… one bed…He started taking off his clothes. I thought he was just getting ready to sleep in another room after changing, but he lay down on the bed and said: Relax… Lie down… I had never shared a bed with a man before… whatever… I lay down as well.

I lay on my back, I  won’t sleep; I needed to stay alert for anything, I stared at the ceiling waiting for the morning. He lay on his right side, his back to me. After a few minutes, he pushed his hips toward me. The bed was big enough for each of us to stay on a side with plenty of space between us. I moved away, but he pushed his hips again. I tried not to overthink it. Maybe he was asleep and didn’t notice. I checked my phone: 5 AM, A long night ahead. The minutes crawled by. He started snoring, which means he had fallen asleep. I forgot about him and drifted into my thoughts… until he slid his leg between mine and pushed me toward him. I moved back to my place. He repeated the same move every five or ten minutes, and I returned to my spot each time… It’s clear now…

Neither of us said a word. He was trying to make it seem like an innocent, unconscious move. I waited for him to do something more daring so I could leave, and if necessary, I’d beat him up. I pulled my legs up, and he placed his hand on my lap, I pushed it away, he grabbed my hand, I pushed him off and got up. He pretended I had just woken him up and said: Is everything okay? I didn’t say a word. I put on my shoes, grabbed my things, he got up from the bed, opened the door to the room, then the apartment door. I didn’t look at him or say anything. I opened the building’s door and left.

Humans no longer surprise me. I always expect the worst. After I left, I swallowed it down with a cigarette and moved on. 

The calm of this village has made me analyze what happened. I feel disgusted… I’m not against homosexuality, but I’m against those driven by their instincts to behave like animals.

Just as I escaped from my city to Marrakech, I’ll now escape from Marrakech to somewhere else…

There are some feelings you can only express in a certain way. My current feeling, I can only express it this way:

I Feel Like I wanna go home But I don’t know where home is.

-Unes

-Translated by Nada Farsi